If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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