i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
