just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
