im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
