hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
