So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize