i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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