Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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