its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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