Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
