I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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