nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
