Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
