I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
