Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
