I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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