Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she told me i tasted like america
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
