naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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