I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
