can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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