i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
