i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
