Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
