i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
