so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
