We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
