Umm I'm too high to move.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
PANTIES FOUND
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