nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
