So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
