Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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