put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
