every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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