you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
