I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
