I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
