As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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