If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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