i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
