I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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