So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
