The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
