2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
