While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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