Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
