yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
