If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
