this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
