How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
