Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
