I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
