her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
40s are totally the cure
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
