She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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