Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
