im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
