just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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