Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
