are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
