just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
