david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
