I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
