nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
