Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
