Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
