either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
