Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
