just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I still have a little drunk in my system
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
