mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
