I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
