is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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