so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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