Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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