I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
