it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
