ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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