I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
