dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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