We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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