My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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