I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
